WHAT BROUGHT US TO C.A.?
Some of us hit a physical bottom. It may have been anything
from a nosebleed which frightened us, to sexual impotence, to loss of sensation
in or temporary paralysis of a limb, to a loss of consciousness and a trip
to an emergency room, to a cocaine-induced stroke that left us disabled. Maybe
it was finally our gaunt reflection in the mirror.
Others of us hit an emotional or spiritual bottom. The good
times were gone, the coke life was over. No matter how much we used, we never
elation, only a temporary release from the depression of coming down, and
often, not even that. We suffered violent mood swings. Perhaps we awoke to
our predicament after threatening or actually harming a loved one, desperately
demanding imagined hidden money. We were overcome by feelings of alienation
from friends, loved ones, parents, children, society, from the sky, from everything
wholesome. Even the dealer we thought was our friend turned into a stranger
when we went to him without money. Perhaps we awoke in dread of the isolation
we had created for ourselves; using alone, suffocated by our own self-centered
fear and our paranoia. We were spiritually and emotionally deadened. Perhaps
we thought of suicide, or tried it.
Still others of us reached a different sort of bottom when
our spending and lying cost us our jobs, credit, and possessions. Some of
us reached the point where we couldn't even deal; we consumed everything we
touched before we could sell it. We simply could no longer afford to use.
Sometimes the law intervened.
Most of us were brought down by a medley of financial, physical,
social, and spiritual problems.
When we found Cocaine Anonymous, we learned that cocaine addiction
is a progressive disease, chronic and potentially fatal. It fit our own experience
when we heard that, contrary to popular myths about cocaine, it is probably
the most addictive substance known to man. We were relieved to be told that
addiction is not simple a moral problem, that is i s a true disease over
which the will alone is usually powerless. All the same, each of us must
for our own recovery. There is no secret, no magic. We each have to quit
and stay sober; but we don't have to do it alone!